Sunday, January 23, 2011

Up at 4am....

Ever since I got sick New Year's Eve, I have been sleeping really weird. Sometime over the past year, we started making a habit out of going upstairs with Matthew around 8pm and watching an episode of Little Einsteins, Go Diego, Go!, or some other show. Lately, I can't stay up until the end of the show. I keep falling asleep while he is watching.

Let me say, I'm not one of those people that can very easily take an afternoon nap. I don't even have an easy time going to bed at a normal hour, but I have just been so exhausted that I literally cannot do anything to keep myself awake no matter what I do!

That "symptom" alone, was what cause me to take a pregnancy test earlier this week. I knew I had been sick for a while, but I have not had this feeling of complete exhaustion since weeks 6-12 of my pregnancies. I remember being pregnant with Matthew and one afternoon, while about 6 of my students were watching a movie (we had something going on that day that all of the other kids went home early with their parents), I started to feel exhausted. I sat down at the back of the room to just try to relax. Then, I fell asleep! I was mortified when the janitor nudged me and I realized that I had been out for 15 minutes! ****Side note, I do not make a habit of 1. taking naps basically EVER 2. Ignoring my class to nap****

The really annoying part of then (and now) is that after I would feel that complete exhaustion, I would fall asleep around 6pm and wake up at midnight and not be able to get back to sleep! It was a horrible cycle!

I feel like I'm dealing with that again...for whatever reason! Only now, the most horrible part is that it means no time to myself. Let me start by saying I VALUE, THRIVE, DESPERATELY NEED time to myself. I always have! I remember being in high school and loving the days/nights when everyone was out of the house and I could just sit and be! Being alone in my home always makes me feel this amazing sense of rejuvenation! Anymore, that doesn't happen a lot though. So, after Matthew was born, I got in this awful habit of staying up until 1am or later just so that I could feel like I was alone. Sometimes, I would still get up at 6am just so that I could have the time from 6-7 where my son and my husband were still in bed and it really seemed like I had the house to myself. Even I wasn't just sitting and relaxing, it seemed like getting laundry or dishes done at that time was so much easier and worth being up early to not be interrupted.

Well, tonight, I went to bed at 8, woke up at midnight...and it's 10 to 5 and I have checked everything online, watched a couple of episodes of George Lopez and then turned off everything and tossed and turned in bed for a while thinking about just a ton of things that annoy me!

I know that this will probably be my most productive time today. I have considered doing laundry and some dishes (probably will after posting), but I hate that I'm going to spend the rest of the day tired, impatient, annoyed....AND when 8pm rolls around, I'll probably be asleep before my son again!

What am I gonna do?

PS....I'm NOT a coffee drinker...I HATE the taste!

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