Up at 4am....

Ever since I got sick New Year's Eve, I have been sleeping really weird. Sometime over the past year, we started making a habit out of going upstairs with Matthew around 8pm and watching an episode of Little Einsteins, Go Diego, Go!, or some other show. Lately, I can't stay up until the end of the show. I keep falling asleep while he is watching.

Let me say, I'm not one of those people that can very easily take an afternoon nap. I don't even have an easy time going to bed at a normal hour, but I have just been so exhausted that I literally cannot do anything to keep myself awake no matter what I do!

That "symptom" alone, was what cause me to take a pregnancy test earlier this week. I knew I had been sick for a while, but I have not had this feeling of complete exhaustion since weeks 6-12 of my pregnancies. I remember being pregnant with Matthew and one afternoon, while about 6 of my students were watching a movie (we had something going on that day that all of the other kids went home early with their parents), I started to feel exhausted. I sat down at the back of the room to just try to relax. Then, I fell asleep! I was mortified when the janitor nudged me and I realized that I had been out for 15 minutes! ****Side note, I do not make a habit of 1. taking naps basically EVER 2. Ignoring my class to nap****

The really annoying part of then (and now) is that after I would feel that complete exhaustion, I would fall asleep around 6pm and wake up at midnight and not be able to get back to sleep! It was a horrible cycle!

I feel like I'm dealing with that again...for whatever reason! Only now, the most horrible part is that it means no time to myself. Let me start by saying I VALUE, THRIVE, DESPERATELY NEED time to myself. I always have! I remember being in high school and loving the days/nights when everyone was out of the house and I could just sit and be! Being alone in my home always makes me feel this amazing sense of rejuvenation! Anymore, that doesn't happen a lot though. So, after Matthew was born, I got in this awful habit of staying up until 1am or later just so that I could feel like I was alone. Sometimes, I would still get up at 6am just so that I could have the time from 6-7 where my son and my husband were still in bed and it really seemed like I had the house to myself. Even I wasn't just sitting and relaxing, it seemed like getting laundry or dishes done at that time was so much easier and worth being up early to not be interrupted.

Well, tonight, I went to bed at 8, woke up at midnight...and it's 10 to 5 and I have checked everything online, watched a couple of episodes of George Lopez and then turned off everything and tossed and turned in bed for a while thinking about just a ton of things that annoy me!

I know that this will probably be my most productive time today. I have considered doing laundry and some dishes (probably will after posting), but I hate that I'm going to spend the rest of the day tired, impatient, annoyed....AND when 8pm rolls around, I'll probably be asleep before my son again!

What am I gonna do?

PS....I'm NOT a coffee drinker...I HATE the taste!

Are you awake? Are you okay?

I still have decided if I'm being crazy or concerned. I think I've mentioned that everyone in my family has been sick recently. Yesterday, I felt like just crawling into bed and watching movies all day. Life isn't like that when you have a toddler and a husband that is working overtime hours to help the family.

I decided that part of what I needed to do (to make myself feel better) was just start cleaning. Dishes needed done, the stove needed wiped off, the kitchen floor needed swept, there's a ton of laundry that was folded and needed to go up to our bedroom (which has been difficult, because all of this coughing stuff has made it really hard to breath heavy), and every time that I look at my son's playroom and see his toys all over, I just cringe! Anyway, I did a little bit of everything, but didn't really finish anything. I did feel better knowing that I got some of work done.

My mom called me around lunchtime and asked if she could come over and visit with Matthew and I. I was glad for the company and grateful that she brought over Wendy's for Matthew and I! After some book-reading, bowling, and some Thomas watching Matthew fell asleep in the crook of my Mom's arm. He looked so sweet. It was late, about 2:30 in the afternoon. I usually put him down around 1.

My Mom and I chatted for about an hour and then she left. I started to do "nap math" to determine when Matthew might be getting up. Usually he naps for two hours, but when he takes his name after 2ish, sometimes he will end up napping for closer to 3 hours. 5o'clock came and no wake up. 6, 7, 8o'clock and still no wake up. I started thinking about how sorry I was going to be when Matthew woke up at 2am and wanted to play, but then I'd think about how sick he had been feeling and thought that maybe his body actually needed the rest.

Around 10, I texted Scott and told him what was going on. I asked him if he thought I should wake Matthew up so he'd sleep through the night or just let him go. I told him that I just couldn't decide what to do. Scott said to just let Matthew sleep and if he got up through the night, he would stay up with him. That's one of the awesome things about my husband. While I am a light sleeper, I need my sleep! If I don't sleep, the following day involves: crying for no reason, hatred of everyone, and hatred for life! My husband knows this about me and has always been so great about getting up in the middle of the night to help me out.

Scott got home around 11:30 and we went to bed. Scott checked on Matthew and reported that he was still breathing (thank God!!!). I tried to sleep, but I was still coughing a lot and had a lot of anxiety about Matthew waking up in the middle of the night.

Imagine my surprise when I woke up at 6:30am and neither Scott nor Matthew were awake! I started to panic again! Could my son really be so sick that he needs over 16 hours of sleep? Could the cough and congestion hindered his ability to breath? Is everything okay and I'm freaking out for nothing????

Pulling my hair out (while thinking of all of the most horrible scenarios), I started this blog post to find out if you have ever had this freak out kind of moment....and do you check on your kiddo or just let him go??

After I wrote about half of this post, guess who woke up with a big smile, runny nose, and a VERY full diaper?